It is difficult to absorb large amounts of information, especially when the news is bad. We tend to stop absorbing much after certain triggering words come up: “cancer”, abnormality”, etc. And all too often, professions use jargon, or words they might use everyday, but not understood by the general public.
Here are a few suggestions for both sides of the stethoscope.
For Patients: Making the Most of the Moment
As a patient—whether you’re an expectant mother or someone facing a life-altering diagnosis or end-of-life decisions—you rely on the expertise and guidance of medical professionals. These consultations are often emotionally charged Yet doctors are busy people, and let’s be honest, they can sometimes be a bit intimidating. Getting the information you need can be difficult. So how can you get the most out of the appointment.
- Bring someone with you. Four ears are better than two. Take notes. Don’t hesitate to jot things down, or ask your companion to do so.
- Come prepared. Bring a list of questions. Even better—bring two copies: one for you, one for your doctor.
- Ask for clarification. If you don’t understand something, speak up. Ask again.
- Request a summary. Ask your physician to write down the key points—or even share a copy of their chart note or the referral letter they’ll be sending.
- Explore options. Ask: What happens if I don’t do this? What happens if I do? What if I say no for now and reconsider later?
- Ask what you’re missing. One of the most powerful questions is: What haven’t I asked that I should have?
These approaches apply across the spectrum of care, but especially at a prenatal appointment or when dealing with a serious or terminal illness.
For Professionals: Slow Down, Even When You Can’t
In those highly charged encounters, anxiety can run high. Studies (see Chapter 10 of Bookends) show that people retain surprisingly little of what is said during these visits. What they do remember is usually limited to the diagnosis, rather than the practical steps, treatment plans, or follow-up instructions.
If you’re the one delivering the information, remember this: every encounter—especially those around birth, illness, or death—carries an emotional weight. We may feel rushed, behind, or overbooked. But our patients are often anxious, confused, or scared.
Time is tight. But clarity saves time in the long run. A few strategies:
- Listen. Pause. Even a few extra seconds can make your patient feel heard.
- Ask them to repeat key points back to you.
- Encourage questions – and normalize them.
- Provide take-home summaries or notes.
- Consider structured tools like summary handouts, especially for complex discussions.
- And remember, body language, eye contact, a touch on a shoulder are the things our patients relate to, even on a subconscious level.
They don’t care what we know if they don’t know that we care.
A Shared Question
How do we deal with the feeling of being rushed?
And for professionals—how can we navigate the time constraints of a busy clinic while still being present? I don’t know. Let’s keep that conversation going.
For a deeper dive into this topic, see Chapter 10 of Bookends: A Family Doctor Explores Birth, Death, and Tokothanatology.
