In the not too distant past, open displays of pregnancy were frowned upon. We often discouraged pregnant women from working. They dressed in tent-like garments to hide their bump. On television, their condition was hidden from view until Lucillle Ball broke the taboo by using her own pregnancy in I Love Lucy. Look how far we have come. Now we celebrate pregnancy with baby showers, birth plans, prenatal classes, books, apps and more. Families prepare for the new arrival.
Communities gather to support the pregnant person and the coming child. Birth has been reimagined not as a medical event but as a deeply personal human milestone.
If we were to think about childbirth as we do death in our present society,we would again isolate apregnant woman. Doctors would focus solely on her treatment plan, not see her as able to make any decisions. She would become a medical diagnosis.
And what if we treated death as we now accept pregnancy and birth?
- We could have how-to books. We could hold death showers, giving gifts and blessings.
- We could play games like “ I will remember you every time I…”
- We would make a “death plan” to share with our caregivers.
- We would prepare for needs such as toileting, the possibility of falls, pain control.
- We would involve children and families; we would see death as a meaningful event.
- We would care for the body of a dying person as we care for a newborn and her mother.
- We would offer advice and support for families after a death and see death as a natural progression, a change in a family.
In her article in Modern Loss, Jane Whitlock imagines a world where death is embraced as a natural transition rather than a fearful end–something to plan for, honour and even celebrate.
I view birth and death as life transitions, and feel both could be celebrated in similar ways. We avoid celebrating a person’s end of life, at least until after they are dead. How much nicer it would be to share our emotions and feelings with the person undergoing this milestone while they are still able to contribute, and to support them and their loved ones in this enormous life altering event? Let’s work towards that.
