Some of the commonest questions in medicine sound deceptively simple.“When is the baby due?” “How long have I got?”
People ask these questions as though there should be a clean answer. A date. A time. Something solid enough to write on a calendar.
Medicine, however, deals mostly in estimates.
Category: Tokothanatology
comparisons in childbirth care and end-of-life care
Preparing for Birth…But Not for Death?
We offer expectant parents an abundance of preparation: prenatal classes, Lamaze, “prepared childbirth,” baby groups, and parenting workshops.
Body image in tokothanatology
That morning, two patients came to see me—one carrying new life, the other preparing to let go of it.
The first was a young woman in her third trimester, radiant and restless. She sat awkwardly on the exam table, her belly taut and high. “I don’t recognize myself anymore,” she said, laughing a little too quickly. “I used to be fit. I had abs. Now I can’t see my feet.”
Thinking about childbirth through the lens of Kubler-Ross’s stages
As a family doctor, I’ve spent a lifetime at both bookends of life — welcoming new arrivals and accompanying people at the end of their journeys. Over time, I’ve come to see how closely these moments mirror one another. The same emotional currents that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described in dying — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — also flow through birth and the making of a family. As with the stages of dying, these emotions can appear at any time and in any order.
What Kubler-Ross still teaches us about dying
I still remember the quiet after I told a patient her cancer had spread. She looked at me for a long time, then said,” You must be wrong”. I wasn’t– but in that moment, denial wasn’t a failure to understand. It was protection. She needed a few days before she could face what the scans had already shown.